Coronation Street Exposed

Posted on 10 Nov 2008 20:39:18 by John Slater

Now i'm not an avid soap watcher, in actual fact the closest thing i have come to watching soaps is looking in the cupboard under the sink at our massive collection of Dazz & Bold, so respectfully you can assume that the majority of things i mention in this post is to support my own theories.

When drifting from room to room i often get an eye full of Coronation Street, one of the more popular soaps in the UK, and only Jesus H Christ knows why. It has been running for something like 47 years now and i'm sure its coming close to the massive finale, it would only be logical.

Coronation Street is a soap based on a street, cleverly called Coronation Street which is home to the biggest variation of characters, from rapists, murders and even more recently kidnap victims which i'm sure sets it apart from most streets in the UK, unless you live on a council estate where you often find these types of people. I find the whole arrangement amazing because despite everyone living doors away from everyone you always find the odd new person, just popping up, now in my life i have only ever seen this done once before and it turned out to be a huge government social experiment. This is what i believe is behind Coronation Street.

My theory is that Coronation Street of ITV is in fact a reality TV show based on real people and is all part of some government experiment to help them see how terrorists are created. Now no wack job theory is worth anything without a little bit of evidence, and i come armed with loads of the bloody stuff.

1.) Everyone Lives on the street
2.) There are more homes than families on this street, yet you never see the other occupants.
3.) The majority of them have cars, yet i know the street is sealed at either end
4.) The entire thing is filmed on a now closed set at Granada Studios in Manchester.
5.) No one ever swears which makes me think maybe they were never taught swear words when they were grown in the government facility
6.) They have a nack for just replacing people or "characters" as they are known, and the other are brain washed into believing they were not changed.
7.) Police appear on the street despite the lack of openings to main roads.
8.) Everyone has resorted to Alcoholism and spend large amounts of time boozing it up in the Rovers Return.

Now you take a look at the key points above and tell me you don't feel the same way, if this wasn't some sick twisted experiment it wouldn't still be running.

I did a note by note analysis on the opening theme tune, a classic some may say, wrong! it is a subliminal message outlining the current government terrorism alert level. After doing the analysis i found that playing the theme tune backwards has an ageing affect on lab rats causing them to age at an alarming rate which backs up my question about why the majority of old people watch Coronation Street.

The Rover Return. One of the busiest pubs in the UK on a weekday? No. It is in fact the front for a much larger corporation called "Global International Mega Plex Inc." a corporation known for it's involvement in top secret operations over seas. This was brought to my attention when i realised that despite the large quantities of alcohol consumed by customers they never show signs of drunkness, even slightly, this proves that not only is the pub a front for an illegal corporation but it sells to weakest alcohol in the country.

So what have you learnt from my exposé on Coronation Street? nothing. and you will continue to know nothing. if you learnt anything then i suggest you forget it, that street houses some of the most dangerous people in the United Kingdom and should kept that way, whether on TV or not.

In my defence i did have this whole article planned out in my head and it was rather promising but then when i started writing i just got excessively bored with the whole idea and wish i hadn't bothered, but i'm not someone to waste my time and resources so here it is anyway.